Are black women on the downlow?

I remember reading about married men who practiced the down-low lifestyle. The down-low is where a man is sleeping with or married to women, but also sleeps with men in secret. Most men who do this swear up and down that they are straight, but that the gay sex gives them something they don't get at home. Truckers also practice a form of this with many sleeping with male prostitutes during long trips on the road. But what about women?

I've slept with a lot of men, and none of them knew that I liked women. Or that their penises disgusted me lol. Or that I only slept with them because I couldn't find what I wanted elsewhere. This article goes into the down-low practices of black lesbians who marry men, have kids but still dip into the coochie every now and then. This is another good one. I completely thought this person was bullshitting until I did some research of my own. There are actually women on Craigslist who are married but want some pussy on the side.

Reading about this phenomenon helped me to know that I am not alone. I can't tell anyone in my family about me, even though I'm not the only one. The women in my family who are gay or bi get shitted on. The guys don't even bother outting themselves. They are treated as bad people, insulted, called names and generally no one has too much nice to say to them. So what do they do? I have cousins in lesbian relationships who manages to pop up pregnant every now and then. I'm wondering how two chicks are making babies, because that never happens in nature lol. But being a mom and having kids gives them cred and looks better.

I look back on my life and I lament the fact that I didn't stay out of the closet. I would be happier. A lot of messed up things that happened to me wouldn't have because I wouldn't have been around the men that I was. What will I tell my kids if they find out one day? What if they end up gay? I think I might feel bad, and people would blame me for that.

I've slept with so many men that I had no feelings for. I even married one. I couldn't even get excited sexually about what was happening. The biggest part for me was the lead up to the experience, ie arranging the sex, and then reliving the memories later. If I want an orgasm, I usually give it to myself. I just don't know what's wrong with me.

One of my best sexual experiences was with a guy who was in the closet as well. He was bisexual, possibly gay, and he knew he would be stigmatized by coming out. This hiding got him into a lot of problems as he could only truly express himself when he was drunk or high. One time that lead to a pretty vicious sexual assault and he was injured rectally. To make it worse, those who loved him made fun of him and told everyone. Everyone. But I liked sex with him. I think we were both attracted to the queerness in each other, and understood the others secret. Plus he was cool with not going down on me. I can't stand when a man puts his lips on my lips...and not just the top ones.