What next?

Today was a hard day for me. I acted out a lot today, texting, emailing and chatting with random men. There was the Haitian who has what I suspect is a tiny penis. The younger guy looking to have sex with an older woman. The ABM (Angry Black Male) who blew up at me for refusing to give him head since we couldn't have sex while I was on my period. But tonight he's blowing up my cell because he says he's hungry and he's looking to have some "dessert". He wants a piece of me tonight.

There was also the nice white guy from Nevada who I'll never meet but who talks to me sweet. Lastly, there's the guy who will be referred to henceforth as OMG, as he has a penis about 12 inches long and as far around as a can of coke. And those are just the notables. I talked with around 25 men today. It's getting hard to keep straight who is who.

Some I want to meet, others I won't because I recognize that they are dangerous. ABM and the Haitian kinda scare me. I know that ABM will take his anger at other women (mostly black) out on my body and ass. He has consistently tried to push my boundaries beyond what I feel is comfortable. I hate being manipulated, and I know he would manipulate me into doing things I don't want to do. Things which always leave me feeling like shit.

I might meet OMG as I really want to fuck him. His cock looks like a piece of the sweetest milk chocolate you have ever seen. His hand can barely make a fist around it. He's caramel colored with a long athletic body covered in tats. He's in his late twenties and you can tell the boy works out, in and out of bed. I can already tell he would wear my ass out, like the other youngin two weeks ago.

Only problem is, I'm miserable. Absolutely miserable. I want to stop but I don't know how. I want to sit on my hands so that I can stop this. I'm spiraling out of control. Cal didn't talk to me today. He seems bored because I'm not supplying him with fresh amateur porn. If he had his way, I'd be smashing dozens of black men a week. Heck a few white ones too for variety. He turns me on so much when he tells me about his ex and the things she used to do for him.

Argh, I meant to write this as a release valve, but instead I'm writing about fucking again lol. If anyone has any suggestions feel free to write to me in the comments.